WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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