As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
