I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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