I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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