no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
