walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
