walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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