you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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