i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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