it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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