how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
