I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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