Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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