My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
