so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
