Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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