Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
