I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
