Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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