Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
