i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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