New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This baby is an asshole
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
