I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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