They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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