it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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