her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
