Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
