I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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