My liver just broke up with me...
Don't make out with my wife yet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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