I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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