i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?