Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...

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  (402): So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant... http://tfl.nu/xr5a
  Replies (12) Good night (1677) Bad night (877)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me

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  (203): my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me http://tfl.nu/4hqg
  Replies (15) Good night (1124) Bad night (2579)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

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  (847): Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot. http://tfl.nu/nyh6
  Replies (41) Good night (4641) Bad night (994)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

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  (850): I mistook a propane tank for a keg. http://tfl.nu/qvlo
  Replies (21) Good night (968) Bad night (10232)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

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  (864): Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint. http://tfl.nu/at98
  Replies (14) Good night (4279) Bad night (815)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

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  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11784) Bad night (2120)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

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  (512): that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people. http://tfl.nu/5ebd
  Replies (9) Good night (3602) Bad night (978)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.

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  (423): I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/5s6y
  Replies (22) Good night (4485) Bad night (1183)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just invented taco cereal.

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  (503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j
  Replies (8) Good night (1581) Bad night (2013)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

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  (713): Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me? http://tfl.nu/cdq0
  Replies (18) Good night (4066) Bad night (1100)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.

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  (910): My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete. http://tfl.nu/yj31
  Replies (2) Good night (3078) Bad night (625)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.

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  (262): My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels. http://tfl.nu/4t4s
  Replies (5) Good night (1253) Bad night (301)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.

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  (859): Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people. http://tfl.nu/v0oj
  Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (326)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.

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  (218): I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench. http://tfl.nu/hyfp
  Replies (5) Good night (295) Bad night (541)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?

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  (501): okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy? http://tfl.nu/u6yi
  Replies (7) Good night (809) Bad night (193)

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