Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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