NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.