So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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