I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
