if i can run in heels then i can drive
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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