I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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