My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize