I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize