Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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