I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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