Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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