I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
