i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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