I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize