Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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