Your mouth is God's brothel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
