Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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