The maid of honor just puked.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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