mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
