My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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