I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
