I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
