This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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