im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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