how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
