So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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