I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
