ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
