I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
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i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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